S3 Starts with a bang.

September 1, 2008

Our college, being ranked among the best in the country owes that credit to some of the unparalleled teaching geniuses working among the staff. It was always noted and said many a time that MOST of our teachers were just out of the world beings, one’s who could just come to class and teach entire subjects at a stretch without anything as little as a glimpse into the text books. The following might tell you why.

We started the third semester two months ago. And like always, we have new teachers, and new subjects. One of these dealt with heat transfers and stuff, which a mere mortal like me still finds pretty hard to comprehend. I was trying to study it for the series exam tomorrow. And then this incident flashed on my mind. Since I’ve already officially given up hopes of passing the exam, I thought I’d just come here and put this much down, hoping to give life to my wheezing, dying blog.

So where was I. Ah yes, Heat transfer.

So this Sir. Let us call him Mr. X.(For the sake of mine sessional marks in the unlikely event of him coming across this post). So Mr. X is teaching us about heat. I’m as usuall nodding off in class(so are many more people); my upper torso on the verge of falling over- thanks to another late night the day before, wasting time fruitlessly online. And it happened before I could control it.

YAAAAAAAAWNNNNNNNNNNN

Mr. X: “ Ellarum enthade oru ksheenam pole, orakkam thane” (Why is everyone so sleepy?)

Some wiseguy: “Sir this is a BIT boring”.

Mr. X:

This might be boring. Let me make the class a bit more interesting. Let us talk about wider topics. <loads of blah blah>. Anyone know what re-entry is?”

Another wise guy: “Term used for when a space vehicle returns to the atmosphere”

Mr X: “ Correct!. Now the speed at which the vehicle returns is approximately 20 thousand miles per hour. Due to the friction with air, that generates a heat of kakkathollayiram into ten raised to 5 joules per centimetre”

*Class sits up straight. People are definitely getting interested*

Mr X Continues:

“So proper heat insulation is mandatory for the space vehicle. NASA has developed different substances for that. Example, silica tiles.

VSSC il insulation tiles research chaiyunan oru main character njan anu (I’m one of the main people doing research about this at VSSC)

We have developed a new material and tested it for heat resistance and then we plotted a graph.

This is the graph I got *Draws a graph*

And this is the graph NASA got for their material *Draws a strikingly similar graph*

Iee subject ile RANDU international paper ente peril anu. Njan ezhutiyata. Ente peru google chaitu nokiya kaanam (Two international papers in this subject are by me. You can get it be googling my name)

*explodes*Basically njan ithrem valia oru sambhavam anu

Ah ente classilanoda neeyokke kedanu orangune ? ninakonum naanam illeda.

Itoke bhayankara interesting anu.. itonum arinjodate neeyonum orukaalatum pass akan ponila. Gonam pidikathilla

Alla pinne”

(Basically I rock. And how dare you sleep in MY class. Shameless creatures. This is an interesting topic. Without knowing all this, you will never pass anything.. be damned)

Audience: “blink blink”

-A.M.D.G.

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Blooper of the year

April 25, 2008

This happened yesterday. Thats like the last day of first year in college. Me and three friends are on our way to the juice parlour in front of the college. Two of them stand outside as me and the 4th(Ironically, he shares my same name), enter the shop. Now at this place you can get watermelon mixes for 5 a glass. I see a girl- possibly a senior of ours- sipping on one and i turn and tell my friend “De iee sadhanam kollam”. He gives me a blank straight faced expression and walks out. I’m left wondering what happend till i turned around and seized up the situation. There i am, pointing my hand at that girl and saying “de this ones good” and that girls staring at me.LOL.

Now thats not the end of the story. After around 15 minutes we get in and order our stuff and THEN, the other two guys walk in. One asks the other “de enthanu iee water melon sambhavam ? ” (Whats this watermelon stuff ?”). The latter points to that same girl and quips. “De iee sambhavam… kollam ”

Girl ..stares.!

-AMDG


Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.- Albert Einstein

October 21, 2007

Disclaimer:-

BE WARNED!

This article contains uncensored explicit material unsuitable for minors. You must be at least 18 years of age to read. If you are under 18 years of age and you do read, you may be violating local, state or federal law. This article is not for the faint hearted. Do not read further if you feel sick of. ..well. sick stuff 😀 Anyone taking offence can to sue the author, provided he/she gives a written notice 50 years in advance.

It’s been like one month into college and the most used, or rather overused word on campus (and outside) has been, “ragging”. Ragging is the systematic ritual physical and psychological abuse of freshmen or other juniors by their seniors in an educational setup, with the purported intent of socially inducting the newcomers into the group. ( To borrow a sentence from wikipedia)

Though some of the stories you hear about the topic are outrageously funny, some also make you feel sick enough to go without dinner. Which is precisely why I answered “There is no ragging at our college” to a query on the same by a college mate on our online community. To start with, here are some of the amusing ones.

When college started many of us would go to college in KSRTC buses. And it was kinda surprising when one evening we saw Nitheesh get into the college bus, known to be a haven to the errr. “raggers?”. Rohit passes an apt remark, “daivame …avan bus il keeri.. naale shavam pongum”.

Nitheesh reports being asked by a senior about which part of his classmate (she was also on the bus at the time) he liked most. He replies “eyes”. Then he has to go around staring at the eyes of all the senior girls in the bus and try to find a similar kind of eye. He managed to get out of the bus alive, after meeting half the seniors and promising to do assignments about details of all the so called good-looking girls in his class 😀 Whenever he used to go in the bus, neatly dressed – that is to say with a tucked in shirt etc, they used to pull out his shirt. Now me being the usual “kanji” self, always went to college not caring much about how I dress. ( Have the experience of wearing slippers to school). Now the same seniors ask me to come the next day, dressed in my best; tucked in tight, plus shoes and polished belts. That hath amused many.

Someone in the bus asked me to sing a song. I’ve never been and never will be known for my singing. No sooner had I started a voice calls out from the front “da avanodu nirthan paredaaa……… entamo.. utter horror”.

And another asks me where I did my schooling. And he wonders why I have not a better rank to talk of despite being in the school which is known to produce some of the best results. “enthada avide padichittum athrayee ollo ?”
Me “cheta.. poyate ollu.. padichilla”
Chettan: “ Kollam.. enikkivane ishtapettu.. da neeyokke annu SCT il varende.. mon ivide vannal mati.. padikkenda… appo enne pole inkane vainokki irikkam”
In between I ran into another chettan on the way to the canteen. He pointed to another senior and said “go ask him his name.”. And so I did, and came back to report, “He says Mr. #####”
”Okay now go ask him his fathers name”.
I go ask and gets the reply, “atinu mumbu avante thanthede name chodiku. Inkane chodikkanam. ‘ninte thanthede peeru enthonnada patti’ “
I come back and start “errrrr…..”
”da atu paranja nine njan ividde vechu vettum”.

Then there was Rojan. He always used to get into the bus and ask “Chetta innu eetu song paadanam ? innale kal ho na ho paadi”

We go to our old school to play football and whom do we find there? Our seniors from 2 years before. The game was really funny. The SCT juniors refused to defend their seniors from the same college and so did CET. In fact… noble nodu ball vechitu pokan paranju. Avan vechittu poyi. Some of the dialogues included “ayoo njan SCT alle.. njan collegil ninnu resign chaiteee”

Then there was Akhil in CET. First day into college, he approaches the main gate and is immediately surrounded by his seniors. They ask him his name and our hero goes “buwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ” (We thought he had stopped crying in 11th – obviously we were mistaken). Though we were much used to this behaviour, those guys weren’t. They scatter helter shelter and I’m told that some even took him to the canteen and bought him tea to pacify the baby.

And then there was Subin in the same college. A senior would get into class and he would move away. The senior would move to the side and he would move to the other. Soon they were moving in circles around the room. (Machu I had expected better of you man.)

To give these two company was Jojin, whose mother was a teacher in the same place. So as expected this guy too crossed the path of a coupla seniors. They asked him all his details which included, “Where does your mother work”. Came the answer, “teacheraaa”.
”Enthada schoolum collegum onum ille? Eviduthe teacheraa? “
”Ivideyokke thane “
”nee sheri avoola.. vegam poykko”.

That reminds me of a story narrated by a senior about how his classmates tried to make some juniors do the “mech salute”. Now the mech salute is like… well you have to stand with your legs apart and grab your crotch before saluting or something 😀 lol.
So this junior is cornered and asked to give the mech salute. He responds by saying he doesn’t know what it is. Commands the senior, “Well, grab the crotch”……… and the junior grabbed the seniors……
Everyone blinks….and blinks…………. And blinks. (That’s a classic)

Though most of the stuff that happens around campuses are fun and laughable sometimes they do cross some of the limits. And if you are wondering it happens only around here; you are greatly mistaken. Another good friend started his year in BITS, Dubai. In his own words, “I had to imagine my butt was a pencil and write my name on the wall.”

Now here I would like to paste a paragraph my old classmate, now at NIT, Calicut, posted on our class community.
”well….well…..how many of u were made to do the following……..go and tell a Rajasthani gal…”you are looking very sexy today”….n then to get her comments on that written on your hand? Well….she was about to write on my hand when some seniors (unfortunately, northie chettans) came by and…they told me to fuck off……… 😛 ….Then had to walk around the whole campus with ur bag in front which apparently appears as something else(yeah!…u guessed it rite)……buying cigarette packets….being dragged into cars by seniors , “RAGGED”…n then being dropped off at the same place(mafia style…..!)….heh…pattum dancum okke usual stuff…..tell me sumthing new…….anyways….to all fellas who r yet to b ragged..happy ragging….. AAAYUSHMAN BHAVA>>!!”

(may his soul rest in peace. Amen)

That brings us to some of the more SICK cases. Again up north. For its always there its sicker. (not counting the friend who got beaten up by some drunks in college in this city.)

A senior from my school who joined IIT last year had to watch a porno movie and label the parts.

Then there was a guy who was given an assignment to write 1000 words on “The history of underwear”. He passed the test with flying colours- thanks to all the nonsense-writing training that the Loyolites have gone through these many years of thinking up crap to fill English essays with. His next assignment however was a bit unpleasant, having to do with going around campus and asking the female subjects about certain biological frequencies and plotting it on a graph. I spare you the details, and your dinner.

Here again I paste the words from a fellow now at NIFT, Banglore.

I was made to:-

1. Propose to at least 30 dif gals including seniors and people u meet on streets.
2. Smooooooch a wooden door in canteen n front of 100 odd people.(30 secs).
3. Dance on top of table with 4 ponytails on my head
4. Fuck a tree in a park 4 full 3 minutes.
5. Give birth to a kid. (laber room was the canteen and I was lying on a table..), nane him n breast feed him. I had 2 oranges in my t-shirt.
6. Be a dildo n talk about myself (galz askd dis one)
7. Was raped by 3 (had 2 act lik dat vid proper sound n spcl fx)

Wow, I take the other sentence back. Sorry about your dinner guys 😀

Now you can save three days worth of food.

Mebbe this again was fun. But the next one sure isn’t. This guy at BITS say that they have to dance nude around a fire with a cigarette burning in their butts. Ugh.
Further I heard that another got pushed off a ladder by seniors and broke his leg or so. His parents took it to court.

For some, its fun and maybe even a break from college. And yes sure if taken in the right spirit. But sometimes it sure does go out of hand. Just read a report in the paper that some guys got send to jail for the act. It’s an unbailable offence after all.

With the increasing privatization of higher education in India, academic institutions in India have been experiencing increasing ragging related excesses. A report from 2007 highlights 42 instances of physical injury, and reports on ten deaths purportedly the result of ragging:

Ragging has caused a total of ten deaths in the last 2 years, [all of which] are not those of freshers. C. Lalitha, the mother of Mukesh ended her life due to the controversy surrounding the sexual abuse of her son during ragging (Andhra Pradesh, Sept 2006). Three of the ragging deaths were that of seniors: two seniors were killed by a first year student when he was being ragged (Vidyanagar, MP, Aug 2006); one senior ended his life when he was punished for ragging. The other seven deaths were those of freshman, six who committed suicide, and one due to the result of brutal ragging (equivalent to murder).

In addition, a number of freshers were severely traumatized to the extent that they were admitted to mental institutions.

After reading this, do you at Kerala uni think your being ragged?

Well, think again..

P.S. Though this be the most explicit content I have written so far, I again had to avoid a LOT of stuff which were TOO much even for those above 18. I would have had to add “and studied in my class 😀 ”. So you can imagine the degree of sickness of the stuff in my mind.

P.P.S. If you are any political activist, NGO official, government official, security/police officer etc, then to you I declare this whole article to be purely fictional. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead(pun intended) are coincidental. The author reserves his right to be silent on questions about the characters involved in the write-up.

-AMDG


It’s the circle of life…

September 17, 2007

Sree Chitra Tirunal Institute of Technology-Reputedly the second best college in the city.
That is where i have ended up after years of not studying, one month of crash courses, one week of praying and three days of stu…err.. trying to study. Not to mention the six months or so of insufferable boredom we had to go through after the entrances ( all thanks to the super efficient government that we have elected). I’ve been to college like three days now. And can you belive so much stuff have happened in this short while ? READ.

Rumours about how things are run in this place reached me long before I even knew where the collge was situated- all thanks to the numerous seniors from our school who made it to the same college. For nearly a year Prasanth chettan has been telling me about how he barly knows the whole campus, how they call strikes for everything etc.

And one week ago I got a better idea about the strike part during my conversation with another Senior in messenger.

Senior: 2nd yr innu strike vilichu , we dint co operate
Syam Nath: lol why? strike for what ?
Senior : switch board il thottaal shock adikkunnu
Syam Nath : =))
Senior : pandu collgile maram vettiyathinu nammal s3 yil strike vilichatha

Also heard is that, they called a strike because of the smoke entering the campus while the road outside was being re-surfaced. 🙂

Armed with the knowledge that life in this place was going to be a lot different from the life we have had at school so far, I and my father walked into the campus last wednesday to complete the admission formalities. On entry into the main building i was greeted by the sight of this chechi throwing her footwear at a chettan. (Probably her best friend)

Sometime later I was talking to Gokul chettan, neighbour and senior and asked him if he knew where Prasanth chettan, 2nd year was?. He decided that we go to his class and find out. We find out the 2nd year computer class and ask around for Prasanth to realise that he was not lying after all when he says he does not go to class. His own classmates do not know who Prasanth is. 😐

From nine in the morning till three in the evening, i was there and saw a couple of seniors being in the hall the whole time, confirming my belief that no one ever attended regular class in this place. Later i saw a senior and asked ” Chetto, no class for you now ? ”

“Njan cut adei” comes the reply)
“What about attendence? ”
“Aarelum proxy vilicholum”

At around noon i came across an other seniors from school and asks “Chettanum cut anno?” (You are also bunking classes??)
Comes the reply, “podei, i just came to college”

Ankane ADIKAM sambhava vikasankal ilate ah divasam kadannu poyi 🙂

The next day our classes began officially in SCT. College inte sontham bus aaya KSRTC il annu nammal freshers inte yathra. What to do yaar… matte bus il keriya seniors chaps akum. That day evening, Nitheesh boarded the college bus to go home . Seeing that Rohit proclaims, ” De, avan bus il keeri.. naale shavam pongum”….
A Nitheesh who went into the bus all smiling and neatly dressed , tucked in etc…. came back the next day alive to the surprise of many. But the look on his face conveyed everything.

Even through hearing stories about seniors pickling the guys they got hold off and hearing more about them waiting for me(Thanks to our community activities on orkut.com ) the classes were like throughly enjoyable; all thanks to some brilliant dramatic speeches by the SFI and some teachers.

First day itself the SFI unit marched into our building to give us the ROYAL welcome. We heard an argument down the corridor. From what we made out, some teacher had asked them to stop there. Odane vili thodanki ” pratishedham pratishedham… SFI yude pratishedham”..
A round of applause 2 minutes later made it aparant that they had been given permission to come in. In marches a gang of seniors with a white flag.They distrubuted sweets to the whole classs and then itself Oru chettan speech thodanki. Half way into it a guy from class stood up and interrupted the blood boiling words (which possibly would otherwise have fired up many a student into rebellion. )and asks, “chetta.. muttayi kiteela”
Chettan: “@!# $@#$#Q@$ ”
Shortly he went on to speak about the history of the organisation and ended it with ” … ankane SFI yude chengotta aaya SCT ileku ningalku hardavamaaya swagatham.. thats all.”
Nammal motham koode ezhunettu ninnu clap adichu.. oru period poyi kitti.

This was the first doubt that Akri (Arun Krishna) asked in his college life. “Iee SFI il cherunnatu enkana? “….comes the reply “atu avanmaru chertholum.. menakedenda”

The college, i have discovered, have some teachers who are much more interested in wasting time than the students. This new teacher called the attendance around three times in three different orders. Rojan remarks to me “iyaalu ollapo nammal enthina time waste chaiyan menakedunne”.(with him around why should we take an interest in wasting time) The next class he came and 5 minutes into class his mobile rang. He said he would come back in 5 minutes and our class waited for him the next whoe hour. Rojan again remarks: ” enikorappa.. ayaalu ALARM vechitu eranki poyata”(me thinks he purposefuly set the alarm to ring at this time.)

(entameee ..avanete koode irunna enne get out adikum.. seriously)

That day introduced to us another teache, who supposedly TEACHES us Basic electrical engg. He came to class and says “che why are all the books open. Close it.. first class alle.
Now about me. My name is <….>. And about the marking scheme. You neednt submit me any assignments. And your attendance also ..i will be giving you full 10 marks. Venel classil varam okay…pinne enne patti vere enthu ariyanam? njan married annu.. oru child ondu… and ente brother ondu.. hes not married…. aarkelum sister ondel nammalku alochikkam.. ondo ???”

“ivide lets behave like friends…. nammal ellam friendly aayirikum.. ninkalku ennodu enthum chodikkam.. venel theri vilikkam….but njan tirichu vilikkum… atum ninkalu sahikkanam . Anyone has any doubts about me?”

Me: “Sir ..nammalku oru cinema kaanan pokamo?”
Sir: “Eda mone .. njan kaanunna cinema ninakonnum kaaan kollathilleda”
Whispering from behind me: “iyaaalku oru childee olllaaa? ”

He goes on to tell us about electricity and ATTRACTION between particles thus : ” For example….. ivide evanmarrku(points to the boys).. ninakale kanda(the girls) bhayankara atttractionaa”.

A guy sitting in my bench is from Bihar. (I talked to him half an hour in malayalam without knowledge of the matter). To him the above sir says, “Oh malayalam theriyaata?… ”
A guy remarks: ” sir namal padipichu kodukunundu”
Sir “Nalla nalla THA KA PA MA.. vechokke olla words kondu thanne thodankanam .. kettode?”
(The said Bihari now responds with “sukham thanne” if you ask him his name).

All said and done, that sir is one of the best we came across.

Ankane paranju parnaju valare sambhavabahulamaaya oru class hour koodi avasanichu.

SCT is a new experience. To quote from DP’s note about an old poem, “It is the mourning about the passing away of one way of life… giving way to another. The never ending cycle of change. The circle of life”.
On the first day i learned that the current principal of SCT, who teaches me taught my dad in CE, THIRTY EIGHT years ago. Wow thats a long time. It feels weird to be taught by the same guy. Always keeps wanting to ask how dad was in class. Was he indeed as bright as he always boasts? heh. Another historic connection comes in , in the form of the PTA president who was my dad’s classmate the same thirty eight years back.
Yes the circle has come around. And to complete it… dad gave me the old protractor he used to take to college. It is yellowish in colour and looks like it belongs in the museum rather than in my bag. A piece of history…a piece of life for me now.

-AMDG
P.S.
This post is written, all thanks to Felicity who gave me the idea and asked me to write about the beginning of college. It extends a very warm and heartful thanks to her, not only for the above but also for being the wonderfully warm and loving person and friend she is.

P.P.S
The author fears for his life in the eventuality that some of his seniors from college come across this post.
Allel thanneyum…mikkavarrum naale thanne enne seniors pokum… valatum bakki ondel avanmaru pickle akki oru matchbox(Athraye kannu) il akki… parcel ayakum. Had a slight disagreement with them. ah varunnatu varunnidathu vechu kaanam…
Pray for me.Thankoo..