Crushed!

The title i borrow from my dearest friend and senior Hari, the idea from a couple of friends who have recently posted the same, and the thoughts … from my head.

Many speak of love. Many who know it and know not. Do i? . I do not know. I just re-read Hari’s post about the same(http://goldeneye025.blogspot.com/2007/02/crushed.html), and i wonder if i would feel a load better if i put my thoughts down in writing. If your name is Vineeth then i’m sure that running through your mind are thoughts on how to try to annoy the heck out of me in the name of this post. If you name is Sriram i can already see you planning a post of appreciation. If your name begins with ” C ” i can imagine you thinking “BAH”. And if you are my classmate i can imagine you thinking “Syam?whoa?”. Whatever that be, i’m going ahead with this to try to find some peace in my mind currently jammed with conflicting thoughts which i know prevents me from thinking or acting proper.

So yes i am yet another person brooding on the edges of romance and trying to understand it. Mind you, it’s not love. Love i believe, is something too complicated to put down in writing. Is it infactuation? I have a feeling not; but to be perfectly frank- I do not know. I’l go along with what Hari stated. Crush- โ€˜temporary love of an adolescentโ€™ (to borrow a definition from the Merriam Webster Dictionary).

Umm so a new charector needs introduction. Who is she? I name her not here. But i already see a lot of risen eyebrows and i know that a good number of you reading this already have an idea who. If you are HER then i think you do too. As for you others, your thinking “Is she pretty?”. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, said some long lost soul. She can pass heh. Does she know?. I think so , but i’m not sure. Why don’t i then ask? Ah the usual ..fear of losing a friend; Fear of being misunderstood. And most of you loyolites and Angelites have another question. Is she from HAC?. gah that is SO cliche’d . I mean every other story (made up or otherwise) brings these two groups together. What’s the deal? Just because( i hear) that a load of our old seniors got together with a load of their old seniors?. Anyway the subject of my interest here is… er.. for now let’s call her X.(If you think its a certain person.. try it on my password. If it works you did well.)

Pause

Rewind.

The story goes back a couple of years i guess, when i first set eyes on her. And since then i assure you i’ve never taken them off. And i can honestly (and all you people can stop sniggering cos its true) that i never really put them on another. A year down the lane and we were kinda okay sorta friends. FRIENDS. Two years down and my attempts to take my eyes off her are still to succeed. A good number of mutual friends have heard of the story and i hear that a good number of them did make sure it reached her ear. So when did it finally dawn on me that theres something missing here?. It took a phone call. You see i’m a big time talker(guess you noticed the long posts) and phone calls ..er im rather on the long side there too. I make really long calls. Like the longest being 5.5 hours with a friend (if the 7 hours on google talk don’t count. and ye i’m jobless) . But, somehow when that day i got a call from the number 2…. er nevermind..i kinda was surprised when i put it down within 2 minutes. It was shocking that i , who can go on topicless rants for hours and hours on end cannot keep a conversation going with this person for more than a minute. It was so strange to hear myself say “Ah thats all? okay. Bye”. That day i realised that i cannot ever have peace as long as i hole this up in my mind. I really needed to tell X. Mebbe she’d say no, mebbe she’d be as confused, mebbe she’d feel really bad or mebbe shed’ hate me outright and mebbe she’d smile back. I don’t know again but i really needed to get this weight off. And tried a lot i did but could not find an opertunity to convey this.
And last day, when i saw her again and felt the grieving heart cry out, decided to put this down here in writing hoping that, mebbe i wouldn’t have to tell her afterall..mebbe she’d just read this someday and pick up the clues left along the lines..

And mebbe , just mebbe she’s just waiting to be told?

All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there’s someone perfect who might be searching for us.

Throughout live you live and you learn..And this i learned…..

Letting yourself know that you are in love is one thing, telling your love however, is another…

18 Responses to Crushed!

  1. BiBinhio says:

    Syam, syam, syam…..
    Y the hell wuld I want 2 annoy the heck out of u???…..such an obscure thought that one… And heh i mean it…. seeing u tat day at amb was all the proof tat i needed…. 1 thing i told u then…1 thing i’ll keep tellin u 4ever(coz i c u as a good pal)…. tell her bcoz the ‘critics’ and the ‘paradhooshanam parachil idiots’ make an ocean out of a pond(mountain out f a molehil-the usual usage!:D).. I tell u this coz in the chance of u’r ‘mayb just mayb’ scenario….blv me she will want 2 hear from u…not from some1 or ne1 else….
    Go ahead…. Tell ummm….X!!!…

  2. Sriram says:

    heh..:-D…Well, i dont think im going 2 write an article of appreciation here…I am romantic, as u know very well..heh..But, im not stupid..:-D…So, i wouldnt want u 2 go ask….coz, as u say, a crush is a crush…Before u tell a person, before u commit, u should always be sure that she is the ‘one’…But thats just my view as ill always be a “One love,One life” kinda person..I dont blv in crash-dating or looking 4 the one thru relationships..Somehow doesnt gel with me…

    But..BUT..If ur sure that u think SHE is the one, id advice u to ask asap….but, if she says no, u shud have what it takes 2 digest it..As, otherwise, things will get really really complicated in ur life..:-D

    Again,just my opinion…Understand urself well…Ask urself…Know urself..Most problems will be solved..and even if a relationship doesnt work at present “zindagi bohut lambi hai….aur waqt bohut kam hai hamaare paas”…;)

  3. Hari says:

    I just had a pang of deja vu!! Well, to be frank, when I first heard about your ‘crush’ thing I was rather dumbstruck!! ‘coz my impression was that you weren’t that, y’know, interested in matters of the heart. But, when I came to know of it by means of your comment in my blog… Well, I ahem.. literally shouted out loud!!

    Kewl post!! Wanna comment a lot more… But have no time… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Will write a BIIIIIIG comment soon…

  4. Subin George says:

    Buddy…If u love her go say that to her face, else u might never even know if she loved u or not…i have seen this happen to many people…but just think once or twice…how big a part is she in my life(will give u an idea if this is just a crush or love)…what possibly can outcome from this situation…and be prepared for anything
    but…go ahead and say it ;)…if u keep it in ur mind..it might stay there for ever and some day when u look back…u might fall in ur own eyes

    another rose just might do the trick
    ๐Ÿ˜‰

    SG

  5. Hari says:

    Back to my comment…
    I’m no one to advise you. And, I DO know that you’d feel like kicking my butt if & when I do that, so I choose to refrain. Still, I just want to make MY point clear. I’m of the opinion that teenage love is CRAP!! Yeah!! It is. Picture this. You propose to her this evening. She accepts. You jump with joy. Ever given a thought about what will happen after it? If you haven’t lemme do some prediction.

    You’ll start talking to her like well… a minimum of 3 hours a day (judging by your personality!). The direct consequence will be ahem… GIGANTIC (I know it’s an understatement!) phone bills! And, I’m sure you’ll obliging parents will force you NOT to use the phone. Okay. You’ll be close with her & all… Still you’ll start becoming possesive. The more close you get to her, the more you’ll start distancing yourself. If you happen to hear from a third guy that your girl talked to another guy, you’ll be SO enraged that you’ll feel like killing her the next moment!

    I know I’m exaggerating, still there’s all possiblity that such a situation is bound to happen. And, this ‘exhileration’ feeling you’re feeling now (because of the love), is just a temporary construct of your feeble human intellect. (Damn! Why do I always have to steal from ‘The Matrix’?) So, believe me, there’s no point proposing her! The chances of your would-be affair lasting for more than a year (that’s the MAXIMUM!) are infinitesimal.

    So, learn from the horse’s mouth! Be good friends with her. (And, by good, I mean, be a ‘kidu’ friend!) Believe me, you’ll relish it for your life!! And, who knows, someday, I’ll see you ppl as a couple!!

    (Apologies if I’ve overstepped my limits! ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

  6. tannu says:

    You dunno me but i do hope what i am about to say makes sense and if it does make sense ……………………..puhleeeeeeeeeeez act on it ๐Ÿ™‚
    Make sure that gurl knows how u feel about her coz der is a possibility dat she doesn’t kno how u feel about her and u dun hv to directly get involved to find out if she knows or not ……………just ask some frn to do it!!
    If she knows how u feel about her and she is still not giving u any clear indication of her feelings (i mean neither accepting u nor saying no outright) dn maybe she is not at all interested in u or she just wants u to “come to her and say it”.
    It might be really scary to gather the courage to go to her n tell her what u feel………………the first thot that comes to mind is wat if she says no…………right??
    But what if she says yes……………….dun u think u r jus wasting ur time that cud hv been spent in her company in ” jus wondering about what if she says no”.
    Maybe you are worried about ur frnship………………but if she really is ur frn she will still remain ur frn evn if u propose n she dzn accept.
    Cmon, she is ur frnd ……….right? And if she starts ignoring u after u propose n she says no……………..dn u ought to be happy that u got over the illusion of “frnship” dat u wr living with!!!
    Loads of gurl out dr……….n u ll find sum1 who ll accept u with open arms:)

    Oh n yea………..maybe u ll feel like dis is all dangerous for ur frnship
    but dude u dun seem to talk like sum1 who only wants to be frnz with the gurl
    u hv take ur chances……………..u jus can’t xpect to cross the river without taking a dip!!
    take d dip……………n dn c if u sink or swim ๐Ÿ™‚
    p.s.-i hope u swim ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. DeViL says:

    GOOD one syam!

  8. Cece says:

    syammmmmm omg you should tell her, i told you about this. we should talk. omg i didnt think you were capable of having a crush. tell her duddde!

  9. Cece says:

    oh yea, you will regret it if you dont.

  10. Hermione Ginger says:

    Hey Quibbler! Whtz the meaning of all this? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ OMG from a person who have been talking against and well teasing. I couldn’t visit this the day u asked me to anyway i did nw. And I was actually dumbstuck when i read. he..hee ๐Ÿ˜€ any way i can’t out wit u this time. surely! anyway go on syam good luck! may u hav a wonderful romantic future ๐Ÿ˜€

    (who is the unlucky lady (just kidding) anyway???)

  11. Kurian George says:

    You know what Syam..my first reaction after reading ‘crushed’ was neither one of surprise nor one of those ‘i knew this guy was askin for trouble’..it was more like…’Finally ..syam is serius abut somethin..n he is lookin for help’..n its no surprise with the loads of friends u got …that so many people have dropped in to offer advice n suggestions..n compared to these ‘friends’..i guess i am almost a stranger to you ..syam..but still since you asked me for my opinion..i dont think it wud be right of me to walk away..just like that..
    K..nw Syam …to be honest..ive never considered u to be the sorta person..who wud blindly fall in love ..n dream abut d first time u saw her or d first kiss ..all day long..bcus of d simple fact that ..i think youve the sense to reason out things .. Now then i am not saying being Romantic is a bad thing..or a sin …I was going through all the comments posted here..n i think Hari’s is the one that makes most sense..I think the easiest and the most obvious thing for u to do now..wud b to go tell this girl that u love her..Even though it may seem difficult to say that..but thats because u r worried abut hw she may take it n in wat way she may respond..n not not because its something that takes great sacrifice n love ..to say that..But what does take real sacrifice n unselfish love ..is to get yourself to think practically about where u stand in life n where u hope to reach in the near future and wat u need to do to achieve that..n achieve things not just for urself..but also for the people whom u love..Now when i say people u love..it doesnt just mean ..this girl whom youve known only for the past couple of years..it also means people like your parents n well wishers..whove been with u ur entire life ..providin u support n encouragent ..things that have much more guarantee and stability than the gut feeling u hav abut a girl..that u arent even sure abut?Its just a probability that this mayb one of d gud things in life..but then there are other things like education,career,family that hav much more probability of doing gud to ur life n doing gud for others like ur parents ..which also u need to consider..
    So wat i am sayin is ..at this point …d right thing to do n the more difficult thing to do wud be for u to hold/restrict urslf from makin a commitment ..n getting too involved in somethin/with sombdy..in a way that it limits d way other things like ur profession n education shud work..k..i knw i am sounding lik those grandpas n granmas..but syam u askd for my opinion n ..this is wat i honestly feel…its upto u to decide wat is right for u..
    Because in real life..its your mind that makes more sense n is more reliable than the heart..cause followin the heart leads u into wild goose chases ..because from practical personal experience..ive felt the heart tells u one thing..now n something totally diffrnt ..d next time..jus think abut hw close u were to a person .a classmate wen u were small..n hw distant he became wen u grew up..see u didnt change .he didnt change..its just that ..the heart ..its just feelings..n feelings keep changing all the time..So keep in mind ..the logical aspect of things ..wen u take big decisions..n i dont think it gets much bigger than this wen it comes to decision making….
    So all in all..for the time being ..i wont say u shud supress ur feelings..which as u said…seems to b impossible..bcus love isnt somethin to be suppressed..it needs to be controled..n to do that..u shud sort out the other priorities in ur life ..in a way that ..sets u up in a position which is suitable both for ur well being n for the well being of the people u love which may include…X…as well..
    Ok..sorry …Syam if ..this sounded like real crap…but this is all ive got to say…

  12. Nitheesh says:

    i thnk i am the few ppl who knew abt syams crush……but i always thought ha had told her….But thnk i l have to agree with hari here……teengae love is crap.this is coming from a person who has already had a failed crush…syam i thnk the best thing for you to do will be as hari says be a kidu friend…….Friendship always stands unlike romance………and as far as i knw u and miss x are real good friends and i think it wud be better it to remain that way,atleast for now…You are not even 18(6 days to go :P) so u got a long time in front of you to fall in love ……..so my advise would be wait……..

  13. Jiby says:

    Syam, i guess you are in pain or lemme call it pangs but i gotto confess i was smiling all through the post. Well…i am not being sadistic, but just brought back a lot of nostalgia…funny thing about infatuation is it needs just a glimpse, a smile, or a few words to spark it or sustain it…have seen the thunderbolt fell quite a few loyolites in my time…but back then except in tuition rooms we rarely had the freedom to mingle, forget even getting to know each other. We even got into a fight in public with KV Pattom guys, all for a KV girl at one tuition who one of our boys vowed to live with for rest of his life…none of it makes sense…but then i guess that’s the magic of being teenagers…the villain of the piece i mentioned before is doing no better older…he is dating a frenchwoman and is in deep shit as his family threatens to end his misery in an honour killing! Sorry…no advise to give you….its your life…you gotto figure these little niggles out ‘coz there are bigger warts waiting out there for you.

    Syam, very well written…keep at it…I have seen too many people begin blogs just coz its some sort of a fad and then give it up. Now you know why I didn’t leave a comment for your earlier post on Loyola which I must say was superb stuff…I was thinking you would be another fly-by-nighter.

    Cheers!

  14. Akhil says:

    Okay. First up, nice post. Next, despite the fact that i’m incredibly sleepy, and despite the fact that nitheesh thinks he’s a few people all by himself, i want to post here, because i have choicest opinions to express on whether or not you/me/anyone should take the plunge and tell HER. Here, HER refers to your crush. my crush, everyone’s crush. Wow. “Her”‘s been busy :D. Whether or not you should depends on various things. The kinda person she is, for one. By now, you probably know HER well. Is she the kinda person who will always shy away from real emotional attachment, simply because she fears what may happen? Ask yourself whether she’d take the plunge with ANYONE, leave alone yourself. If you’re lucky, she would. Which leaves you in pretty good stead. If you think she would, then i’m all for going for it. In any situation, there’s four possible outcomes. Assume she doesnt like you. Chill. I said assume. There’s two things you can do. Tell her, or not. Not telling her is the best action to take here, and telling her would result in, worst case, you losing a friend. Next, assume she does like you. I said assume again, didnt i? :D. Again, two things for you to do. Not telling her would be the worst case here, and you keep a friend, but lose HER. You may even lose the friend later on. OR, you tell HER, and she reciprocates. Oo La La. :). You’re in business. Now compare the two worst cases, and you’ll see what you should do is really quiet simple. Would you rather lose a friend, or lose your Crush? That’s the worst thing that could happen. The best is, as i said before… Ooo La La. Syam juniors filling up cyberspace with blogs about their crushes.

    Whatever i’ve said above, remember that you’re older than me, although i’m the smarter and better looking one. I’m also incredibly humble to boot. :D. I have the infinite wisdom that a 17 year old hormone driven idiot possesses. So maybe i’m wrong, maybe i’m right. Just do the worst case thing again. Anyway, what i’m trying to say is, i’d GO FOR IT. What you’d do, is your choice, and yours alone.

  15. Been there done that !!
    Couldnt agree more with Jiby ๐Ÿ™‚ same here man, was smiling thru the blog ,you are really bringing back memories of the good ol teenage days ๐Ÿ™‚
    Cant really sit n count the number of crushes that I had yeah I think all HAC gals !!Then in later years it went on from crushes to more than that and then to affairs n then to break up …n then now to the real things in life when we are in the tieng the knot phase of life!!full circle i giuess ๐Ÿ™‚ Life goes on..njoy each moment …and infatuation/crush/affair watever you call it is the essence of this golden period..n if ure really serious(thats wat i cld gather) go for it ,but be sure of where ure headed…:)I’m talking about this one or the next or the next……

  16. The Quibbler says:

    Hi,
    I’m alive.lol

    First,
    i did mention a C who would say BAH if she read this article?
    she said BAAAAH
    ๐Ÿ˜€

    Now,

    @Bibinhio
    You did annoy the heck out of me, you filthy ill begotten rascal . :D. I’m writing about you soon. Not to worry.

    @Sriram,
    Sri, you know i agree with you on a lot of counts and disagree on a lot, but here. I agree.
    Thanks for the words.

    @Subin,
    Followed your advice. Learned to trust my inscincts. Thanks a lot

    @Hari,
    I am used to collossal Phone bills. Anymore and it will come home in a box ๐Ÿ˜€
    Your advices i have always valued and always will. And same here, we’l be good friends. You never overstepped your limits. You have no limits around me brother. … YET
    by the way.
    STOP QUOTING FROM THE MATRIX ๐Ÿ˜€ thanks heh

    @tanu,
    Thanks for those lines. Swam, or not. Not sure. But definitly floating.

    @ Devil
    Thanks pal

    @cece
    Did. and i’m still alive.

    @ginger
    Thanks for commenting on this one too like you usually do. And i’m waiting to get my hands around your neck so i can slowly strangle you heh ๐Ÿ˜› j/k ing

    @kurien
    I never expected these words of wisedom from you brother. Thanks for that. You were a great help . And yes you are right. I have other priorities. Thans again. Bless ye

    @nitheesh
    Yes da, I have a long time ahead. I’l wait. ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks to you too for your time.

    @Jiby,
    Funny story heh. And thanks for the kind words again. That is indeed a great compliment coming from you. You are role model to me and many other upcoming bloggers. Thanks a lot. And heh so i can expect more comments ? ๐Ÿ˜€

    @Akhil
    Don’t like your methods. Just went for it. Now am at peace. Thanks Heh your 17 year old hormon driven mind is a bit too wild for me to handle by the way.

    @Tharian
    Heh been there eh. nice.
    And ah yes. everyone agrees with Jiby lol.
    I’m glad im bringin back loads more memories to your mind. Godwilling i will continue.
    And dammit. why is it always HAC ?
    Neways , following yours.. im checking where im headed. Thanks for the words.

    P.S.
    Thanks to everyone again. I am at Peace..
    hakoooona matataaa (Ponnal pokaatum podaaaaa ๐Ÿ˜€ – It means no worries. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

  17. tony thomas says:

    ermm…………no comments..:)
    like… i have the infinite stupidity that a 17yr old hormone driven idiot posess.!!

  18. Cris says:

    I had some brilliant comment to make. But I forgot it after reading other comments. Anyway, did not expect you had a side like this ๐Ÿ™‚

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