The title i borrow from my dearest friend and senior Hari, the idea from a couple of friends who have recently posted the same, and the thoughts … from my head.
Many speak of love. Many who know it and know not. Do i? . I do not know. I just re-read Hari’s post about the same(http://goldeneye025.blogspot.com/2007/02/crushed.html), and i wonder if i would feel a load better if i put my thoughts down in writing. If your name is Vineeth then i’m sure that running through your mind are thoughts on how to try to annoy the heck out of me in the name of this post. If you name is Sriram i can already see you planning a post of appreciation. If your name begins with ” C ” i can imagine you thinking “BAH”. And if you are my classmate i can imagine you thinking “Syam?whoa?”. Whatever that be, i’m going ahead with this to try to find some peace in my mind currently jammed with conflicting thoughts which i know prevents me from thinking or acting proper.
So yes i am yet another person brooding on the edges of romance and trying to understand it. Mind you, it’s not love. Love i believe, is something too complicated to put down in writing. Is it infactuation? I have a feeling not; but to be perfectly frank- I do not know. I’l go along with what Hari stated. Crush- ‘temporary love of an adolescent’ (to borrow a definition from the Merriam Webster Dictionary).
Umm so a new charector needs introduction. Who is she? I name her not here. But i already see a lot of risen eyebrows and i know that a good number of you reading this already have an idea who. If you are HER then i think you do too. As for you others, your thinking “Is she pretty?”. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, said some long lost soul. She can pass heh. Does she know?. I think so , but i’m not sure. Why don’t i then ask? Ah the usual ..fear of losing a friend; Fear of being misunderstood. And most of you loyolites and Angelites have another question. Is she from HAC?. gah that is SO cliche’d . I mean every other story (made up or otherwise) brings these two groups together. What’s the deal? Just because( i hear) that a load of our old seniors got together with a load of their old seniors?. Anyway the subject of my interest here is… er.. for now let’s call her X.(If you think its a certain person.. try it on my password. If it works you did well.)
The story goes back a couple of years i guess, when i first set eyes on her. And since then i assure you i’ve never taken them off. And i can honestly (and all you people can stop sniggering cos its true) that i never really put them on another. A year down the lane and we were kinda okay sorta friends. FRIENDS. Two years down and my attempts to take my eyes off her are still to succeed. A good number of mutual friends have heard of the story and i hear that a good number of them did make sure it reached her ear. So when did it finally dawn on me that theres something missing here?. It took a phone call. You see i’m a big time talker(guess you noticed the long posts) and phone calls ..er im rather on the long side there too. I make really long calls. Like the longest being 5.5 hours with a friend (if the 7 hours on google talk don’t count. and ye i’m jobless) . But, somehow when that day i got a call from the number 2…. er nevermind..i kinda was surprised when i put it down within 2 minutes. It was shocking that i , who can go on topicless rants for hours and hours on end cannot keep a conversation going with this person for more than a minute. It was so strange to hear myself say “Ah thats all? okay. Bye”. That day i realised that i cannot ever have peace as long as i hole this up in my mind. I really needed to tell X. Mebbe she’d say no, mebbe she’d be as confused, mebbe she’d feel really bad or mebbe shed’ hate me outright and mebbe she’d smile back. I don’t know again but i really needed to get this weight off. And tried a lot i did but could not find an opertunity to convey this.
And last day, when i saw her again and felt the grieving heart cry out, decided to put this down here in writing hoping that, mebbe i wouldn’t have to tell her afterall..mebbe she’d just read this someday and pick up the clues left along the lines..
And mebbe , just mebbe she’s just waiting to be told?
All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there’s someone perfect who might be searching for us.
Throughout live you live and you learn..And this i learned…..
Letting yourself know that you are in love is one thing, telling your love however, is another…