Fourty nine class clowns(To say nothing of the Teacher)

August 21, 2007

Inspired by Jiby Chettans post, I started THINKING about writing this post ages ago. And all through that time members from the BOTS have reminded me not to miss out on anything. Everyone has there share of tales to say about their school days. And here i jot down some more of mine. (Including silly ones like everyone taking V.G. Nandhini Ma’am’s signature to mean VERY GOOD.)

 

**************************************************************************

 

Back in seventh standard, a new teacher apparated into the classroom to try to teach the national lingo to a bunch of barbarians whose minds were criminally hardened through years of making up excuses to avoid school work. This one i remembered quite clearly.

That year we had a poem to study which began like “Aha… Gramya Jeevan Bhi Kya Hai”(i think that roughly translates into -Aha, How beautiful is life in the villages). Day after Mrs. Sati Antharjanam finished teaching this; she came to class and started asking the students to recite it. My bench mate happened to be Emil J. Alex who- like the rest of us- leave the poem, had not even seen the book till then. Emil sits around totally cool headed till his turn comes. Then he stands up – Chest forward- with an aura of someone who had totally digested every punctuation mark in the poem and recites “AAAHAAA- bakki marannu poyi ma’am :-)”

That year we also had this new class teacher. As soon as she stepped into class a guy stands up and asks her, her name. Comes the reply “I are Manjula”. We wonder for a whole minute how someone with such pathetic English has been appointed our class teacher- till someone realized that her name with initials read “I.R. Manjula”.

I think it is the same Manjula who while trying to control the mob she had been put in charge, remarked “Boys, please keep quite. The principal just passed away from the corridor.”

 

Then there was the time when our “beloved”(Pun intended) Maths teacher asked Charlz to say around 10 formulas and he throws up his hands and says, “Madam.. PASS… njan thottu.. ma’am para.”

In the ninth standard we had our first close encounter of the worst kind with none other than the phenomenal Joy Sir. He for one is rather proud of his wits. He began the class by asking us to introduce ourselves. Some of us he knew, which was evident when he asked a guy “Cyril, what is your name?”

We came across his killer jokes again in the 11th. In walks Joy sir fifteen minutes after the bell as usual and asks the class “Who here has not seen a spectrometer?”. Around half the class raises their hands. Joy sir looks at Jassie (Vimal) and dictates “Vimal you ask your father to buy you one. Bring it to class tomorrow and show it to the others. Sit down”. The whole class lead by Chalz (Of course we were irritated!!) goes “1. 2.. 3.. HA HA HA”. The look on Joy sirs face prompts the class to burst into- this time genuine- laughter again. Joy sir still stares open mouthed at the class wondering if he really is such a wit.

Another one of his incredibly “witty” statements came during the physics lab. If you broke something in the lab, naturally you had to pay for it. That day we were working with resistances , 100 of which costs 1 rupee. I who was unaware of the cost broke one and took the pieces to Sir. “Sir, i broke this. How much would i have to pay?”.

“You cannot pay for this one in Indian currency. Go break 99 more and give me one rupee” (!#$$@#$@$@#$@#$@#)

 

Then there was Shijo sir. Just because he EXISTED, we chose to entertain ourselves for 4 years making a complete ass of the being. Hope everyone’s heard of binary addition.(Well for those who haven’t, its basically like normal math’s except 1+ 1 = 10 :D.). Chalz(Ganesh) was one guy, who- like the rest of us- thought that computer periods were bullshit. Besides that was among his worst subjects. One day Shijo sir was explaining simple binary addition on the board and notices Chalz engaged in his on private conversation with Laadan. Their talk is cut short when Shijo sir asks him to come and add the sums on the board. Charlz during his slowwwwwwwwwww, sleepy walk(Ah he’s hit 138 kilos last month) to the board glances at Rakesh’s book. Shijo sir waits to throw him out of the class when the guy walks over and write the answer below the two sums- left to right in about 2 seconds. Shiju sir is simply speechless.

There is more to go on about he great Tiger-Shijo(As we have come to know him as). Princi had given strict instructions that students are not to be allowed to play games in the computer lab. “Counter Strike”- Which is basically about shooting down the terrorists was a rather popular game during the time. Many a time he threw our guys out of the lab for playing the above. And once, Jassie decided to pull one on him as he was waiting outside the lab door. Jassie cries out to Chalz “Aliyo … snipe chaiyedaaa…avan olichirikkunu”. Shijo sir rushes in with hope of throwing another pair out, to find everyone with the blue C++ screens. Shijo sir- determined to find the offender- (he thinks we minimized the game) walks around all 50 computers and presses Alt+tab.

Joseph uncle can hold his liquor! so can he handle his english. Once Joseph uncle comes in to take the attendence register and DP barrages him with an array of the choicest sentences from Shakespeare. Ashik shouts out “DP, Menakkedenda.. Joseph uncle vellamadichale english parayoo.”

 

The same Ashik was the brains behind some of the funniest dialogues in our school years. The one that sticks out was the story we had to write for our last English test at school in our final year. The outline given was, “Tiger -escapes from cage- two people dead- inquiry started-traps laid- .. Etc. Etc”
Ashiks masterpiece ran as follows.
“A tiger escaped from the Tihar central jail today evening. The tiger stole 2 AK-47 guns and shot 2 guards dead. Then it jumped onto a royal Enfield 350 and sped into the forest….The tiger is said to be very dangerous and the authorities have issued warnings for the public… blah blah blah .. gas gas gas.” His explanation for the above at the end of the paper read. “ma’am, It was a Tamil phuli.”
Btw, he got the highest in English for that test.

 

Dialogues between the above person and Thikkru(Robin) have been cause of great amusement among us. Don’t really remember most of them But this has been copied word by word from a recent yahoo message.
Ashik Kalam: “i called Robin yesterday..he woke up..asked aara..i said ninte thantha…and he asked athara”

 

And then there was Shavi(Rojan) who once flagged down a passing Auto and asked for the time. Not having learned from the stare he recieved at that occassion he later flagged another and asked “Chetta, ullorku pokuvo? ” …”pokum”………”enna vittu pokko”

Once the above quoted guy and myself were travelling by bus and he gave a ten rupee note to the conductor. The conductor asked “Ethra venam?” meaning how many tickets and our hero asks back “Ethra venamenkilum tharuvo?”

 

Though not from my batch, i have to mention one essay written by a senior for his English exam. Asti AKA Rahul, two years our senior was rather notorious for his English essays. I happened to have a glimpse of his paper in the school bus.(Damn i miss bus number six)

He chose to write a short story for his essay and here is the starting paragraph.
“There were there Chinese guys named Chu, Bu and Fu. They decided to go to America. Once they were there they ‘Americanized’ their names. Chu became Chuck. Bu became Buck and Fu became……”
Ah, well, need i say the rest. There was a huge read mark on that with RAHUL!!!!! on the sides. I wonder if they dare write likewise in any other school. hehe.

 

Then there was Jijo who took up the job of announcing stuff during the youth festival in 11th. And there happened to be a teacher whose name was Kalaa Rani. This is how he read it out to the great amusement of the whole Sutter hall.”Now i invite Mrs KAAALA(Ox? ) Raani to give away the prizes.”

Nikhil made a similar error with the judges names during la fest. One of our boys (Akhil Andrews) mother, Mrs Pushpa Andrews- wife to George Andrews, was in the panel.
Nikhil read it thus “As judges here was have Mrs Pushpa Andrews, mother of George Andrews of 11th standard……..”

 

 

A Bit of Princi’s
Our dear, Fr. Principal was always keen to prove that he was a storehouse of humor.

Venue: “Principals parlor”
Enter Ganesh, Aravind and Princi
Ganesh : “Father .. I want to drop computer”
Princi :”NO, don’t drop it. It will break.”

 

 

And this is dedicated to the great Madhu “saar”
Of course you all have heard of his impeccably smart english.
During a lunch break between the term end exams i was standing near the cage which housed the rabbits (As the Loyolites know. And for the rest of you. YES WE HAVE RABBITS AT SCHOOL. And yes you can buy some if you want). This small kid was staring at them and asked Madhu uncle standing nearby. “Uncle enikku oru rabbit kuttine tharumo?”
Madhu uncle turns a stern eye on the kid and proclaims “Now you study. Now you having exams. If you want children, ask principal after exams”.

 

As our board exams were just weeks away, DP launched a questioning session in class to find out how much we have been revising. DP was apparently under the impression that her students had spent the last two years jotting down every word she uttered including that sneeze. She was given a bit shocked to learn that we didn’t have one word of the same. This was how AD presented it “DP, i read the text and your notes. That makes it ….just the text.”

 

Some of our students managed to get hold of the printed notes that the Santhomites were being given from school. DP looks through the same in our revision session two days before the exams and remarks

“why that’s very nice
lemmeee see it
hmmm hmm
hmmmmmmmmmmm
What nonsense…aiyeeeee
This is crap.
The moonlight falls around them… SO WHAT ?
There is an agonizing realization.. so whaaat ?
The poet sees the tree dancing.. so whattt ?
St Thomas printed it u say…but can the students understand what to write?”
The whole class goes “SO WHAT?”

 

And this is perhaps the best example of how weak DP’s Malayalam is(Even after teaching ME for two years. damn)

Venue: 12th standard
Audience: – 12th ISC classroom
In the chair: DP
[Students sitting around chatting …DP talking to Ashik]
Ashik: “DP..did u hear… Justin(senior) hit it big.. oru MAAAADAN quiz jayichu…. won 10 lakhs or something.. hes going to france.. Blah blah blah blah”

DP :”Why that is reaally good. He always was a good quizzer. By the way, where was this “maaadan” quiz?”
#!$#@!$%@#%#$%^&$#&%*&^*($%&^#$%@$!#$@$@!%%<– pinnallaate

 

The youth festivals were venue to some of the most hilarious stuff that took place in the Loyola Campus. Everyone on campus used to give names for everything though most people conveniently remained absent when their names were announced. Many excuses were chosen to escape the stage.
Vishnu Menon, student at CET presently and another of the great seniors i had, had given his name for the Fancy dress competition. I happened to be sitting near the announcers desk when his name was announced. I was a bit surprised why he was standing next to me when he was supposed to be on stage. Then he takes up the mike. The curtain rises. Vishnu chettan himself announces “Presenting Vishnu Menon, as.. the invisible man!!!!”

Most of the Loyolites are aware of the tableau legends. For the rest…

Announcement “Jalianwaalabagileeku oru ethinottam”
Curtain rises. A group of people on the right of the stage are staring at the jalianwaal “BAG” kept in the center of the stage.

Curtain rises. The stage is empty.
Announcement “Shoonyata ileeku nokki kondirikunna korankanmar ” (Hint. The audience are staring at nothingness”

Any post about this generation Loyola would be incomplete without a few lines from the one and only Titus sir.
Most of the students thought pushed him to the very limits of patience and it was when we manageged to break it that he would kick us out and grumple (I belive to ejhas) “Achanum ammayum ooronnine ondakki vittolum.. manushane menakeduthan”

Titus sir’s explanation to a students question on why India has such a large population. “Eda you know… basically India is an underdeveloped country. Most of the population used to be farmers. Avarukku ninne pole TV kandodirikkan cash illa… so their only source of recreation is……njan parayano? ”

Later Manuel asks an explanation of why he thinks India has a large population. He says “iee tropical areas il okke ankane aada”
Henry sniggers.
Sir smiles.
Manuel persists. “Sir but why? ”
Sir waves a hand at Manuel and remarks to Henry “Shishuuuu……”

During a talk in economics class in eight standard, which gradually drifted to the bevereages industry , Amith asks sir “Sir.. do u drink ?”
Titus M.P “Ninte thantha kudikkum” <– a phrase which has been copyrighted by our batch since then. As you had noticed with Ashik in a paragraph above.

Having had countless visits from this neighbour since before i joined Loyola- he was one of my most favourite people around.

Ninth standard brought us a new english teacher in the form or Mr. Pratap Chandran, who asked us to take notes of everything he uttered. During one such period Praji(Jojin) asked “Sir what is the spelling of etc? ”
Sensing that it was just asked for the sake of asking Pratap sir got furious and said “Jojin. get out. go to the principal and ask him the spelling if u want.. OUT “.Out he goes. Praji had gone to princi and states ” Pratap sir does not know the spelling of etcetra. He send me to ask you.” Princi checks his dictionary, wrote it down on the official paper, sealed it and asked him to take it back to class.The class goes on as usual till about 15 minutes later Praji walked into the class without permission and gave a chit of paper to the understandably stunned teacher and said “Sir,this is the spelling of etcetra. Principal told to give you this.” The whole class laughed for a full 10 minutes at the look on Sir’s face. He has no choice but to let him back into class.
LOL. That’s one UNFORGETTABLE moment.

I wonder if Pereira sir made the same mistake in any other class. The one he made when he came into our maths class (to borrow a few kids for choir practice) and asked Lakshmi ma’am, “Teachere.. korachu pillere venam”.

That reminds me of a story that Prabhu sir told us in class about Jerald Pereira who was known for his sense of humour. Pratap sir joined up Pereira sir’s private music classes to take a bit of guitar lessons. One day Pereira sir told Pratap sir that there was a boy in his class who never came for the lessons. He wanted the English teacher to help him write a letter to send to the boy’s parents about the matter. Pratap sir obliged. Not a lot of people are aware that he got a shock when he learned that a letter in his handwriting had reached his own dad telling him about how his son never comes to class.

Last night, I called up DP to tell her about a function we attended. Trying to convey to her that it was kind of a GRAND function, i say ” DP, it was like really big on money and all. Oru aana kutti ondayirunu… for reception for the non-malayali delegates.

DP – ” What kutti?
ME – “Ma’am, Aaana kutti… elephant kutti.. 😐 ”

It also brings to my memory the ridiculous and revolting essays we used to write for some History papers. It was said that Fr. Jacob never used to read our essays. Witnesses swear on anything that they have seen him measure essays with pens caps. The more length you write, the more you get. Mebbe that is why we ended up writing complete nonsense for our exams. For in 9th standard we had an essay about the revolt of 1857. This is what our master clown Jassie had to feed the examiner.
“The revolt of 1857 happened in 1857. I am a complan boy. You are a complan girl. Boost is the secret of my energy. Pepsi , ye dil mange more. …….”

Further down the years this created ruthless language murderers like me who would dare write anything for an exam just because DP was a nice person. So for an english paper in 12th ,we had  four questions of 25 marks each on Shakespeares Richard. I wrote the first two neatly and knowing that that is enough for a pass followed it up with a cartoon of Richard in a cage for “a charector sketch of Richard the King.”
My next answer to “Richards thoughts in prison” Ended in one sentence “MAN! IM SCREWED!”
DP never thought it so funny and i ended up the only boy to ever fail an english exam in Loyola. Not that i care.

Wouldn’t it be unfair that i quote not a joke from a teacher? why is it always us landing goals on them?. Ah well teachers there CAN sometimes crack some.
Shiju sir in my senior batch class.
Teaching while loops  in Java programming.
Student “sir While il entha ? ”
Sir “vayalil krrrishiya.. alla pinne HIHIIHIHIH ”
😐

 

 

 

 

P.S.

First to my dear classmates:-
You guys were the best friends one could ask for. You gave me the best 13 years of my life. Never would any among us forget that some of the most hilarious moments in our life happened at Sreekariyam. Thanks for having given me the pleasure of your company. Thoughts of you still bring a cheerful smile even in the sadest of circumstances.

Next, to all the Loyolites.
You all know what Loyola has been to us as a whole. I’m sure each one has his own tale to tell. Looking forward to reading many an account of the same from you all.

To the REST:
Loyola was to us , is, and always will be the best.

 

This post is dedicated to all the members of the clichéd “Loyola Family”.
Thank you for reading.

-AMDG.